Tea and Fig Rolls Promotions are pleased to announce our next adventure….
26th October, 2014.
Following the outstanding success of their last adventure, the Tea and Fig Rolls team have embarked on a working holiday up the Amazon, once again exploring all the far flung corners of the globe, relaxing a little while hunting for yet more outstanding entertainment for you. Stopping off at a remote village, we have heard tales of a strange island, where the nights resound to the sound of rhythmic, hypnotic, drumming. The natives speak of strange disappearances, mostly postmen taking 45RPM vinyl sized packages, and occasional sightings of giant creatures with slicked back hair. We must investigate – we set sail for Skull Island at first light.
28th October, 2014.
We have arrived at the island. What kind of hell is this? The sight before us is enough to make any human scream in terror. The beach is littered with the remnants of London 45rpm singles. The murderous devil has even destroyed Gold tri-centres.. is there no limit to the depths of depravity this creature will sink to? We must be careful not to be caught…
After a 5 hour hike, we have reached the crest of a hill and we can see, sprawled in front of us, a vast jungle where, in a clearing, the biggest ape we have ever seen in our lives sits, idly strumming a guitar and singing. I can just pick out some of the words… “The moon is bright above, Oh what a night for love. And as I hold you near, I whisper in your ear…” Surely not? An ape this talented cannot be left to languish on this island. We must book it to appear at one of our events!! We must formulate a plan that will lure the beast into our clutches….
31st October, 2014
We have done it! The beast is in captivity!! It was quite simple really – we told it we were recruiting for a TV talent show and that a million pound recording contract was waiting for the winner, and that all it had to do was impress a man in high-waisted trousers. Once we related this tale, the beast lost all sense of dignity and morals and was prepared to do anything. All it could do was mutter “I must come and win it – it is my lifelong dream’.
2nd November, 2014
We have set sail with the beast on board. We will be arriving in Nottingham on 28th February, 2015 at around 19:00 hours. To keep the beast happy, we have given it a CD **(copies available to buy for a small charitable donation at the event), containing many songs we think will go down well with the ‘judging panel’. We have not yet revealed that the ‘talent show’ is a smokescreen to get it to perform at our gig. As long as he believes that he could win a million pound, he remains calm and collected. The only thing that could possibly go wrong is if someone accidentally reveals our ruse. Who knows, he may get angry, escape and terrorise the entire city of Nottingham!!… but that’s so unlikely, we wont bother taking any steps to prevent anyone telling him.
** – Blatant plug
******** STOP PRESS ******** ******** STOP PRESS ******** ******** STOP PRESS ******** ******** STOP PRESS ********
We have secured the services of three top notch bands to support our headline act
(Sizzling hot blues with a neo-rockabilly twist, these boys have already carved out a BIG reputation and played at major festivals. Stand by to be blown away by their infectious beats and relentless energy)
THE DOEL BROTHERS
(Tip-top rockabilly with a western edge, the Doel Brothers will hit you right between the eyes with fabulous musicianship and some well crafted original material)
RODDY RADIATION & THE SKABILLY REBELS
(With his former band, he has topped the UK charts! He has toured the world! He has closed the 2012 London Olympics! He is coming to play a T&FR event!! (clearly the pinnacle of his career ). Former member of The Specials, Roddy Radiation is coming to entertain you with his new band, playing ska-tinged rockabilly with a powerhouse backbeat. Expect lots of new stuff, and yes, you will hear some old favourites from his past.)
We will, of course, have yet more of the best DJs money can buy (or that we can cajole into doing it for nothing :))
The cost to see all this, plus the greatest rock n roll singing ape in the world? A mere £12 on the door… That’s right – £12 sterling. Advance tickets will be available online shortly at £10 per head. Arms, legs and torso negotiable.
Just remember, to ensure your safety – DON’T TELL THE MONKEY ANYTHING!!